Heartstrings

Brooke Hampton once said, ‘I am pieces of all the places I have been, and the people I have loved. I’ve been stitched together by song lyrics, book quotes, adventure, late night conversations, moonlight, & the smell of coffee.’

This is quite possibly the most ‘Me’ thing I’ve seen in a while. I don’t know Brooke, but I have to believe she wrote this for people living a transient lifestyle similar to that of the military spouse. Nomads, at best, and naysayers in their weakest moments. Cheerleaders for a lifestyle that sometimes breaks their heart.

I’m blessed to be a tapestry of a rich life, even if that life sometimes feels like many different lives broken up into couple-year increments. I measure time based on where I was living when something occurred. And sometimes things feel like many lifetimes ago, because they were. I mistake people in stores for people I’ve know in past lives, in another place, space or time. I forget my zip code when I pay for gas at the pump. I feebly try five phone numbers when just trying to lookup which number I’ve stored for my loyalty account at a place like Panera. And I yearn for the people, experiences, views and even the foods of previous assignments. I feel homesick for nondescript feelings and things.

But even through the disorienting and sometimes sad aspects and moments, I see the beauty of my lifestyle. I see the strong ties that bind me to hearts around the world and the unshakable love that makes the distance seem small. I recognize that miles that separate are no match for strength of friendship and have also learned that some friendships just aren’t meant to be, even if no distance separates you at all. I don’t have many lost friendships in my life and I know just how lucky I am to say that. I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a significant relationship end, and oddly, each of them happened when we were finally living in close proximity after many years of maintaining a strong long-distance bond. That’s the salty nature of loving with your heart. Sometimes your heart learns a match isn’t meant to be and you just have to accept the incompatibility. It hurts, but it has always taught me things, too. Your heart knows, too. Trust it. And channel that love to your other connections, no matter where in the world they lie.

In the end, I know that I am this beautiful, eclectic patchwork of stories and songs, people and experiences. Of tastes and smells and sounds and sights. And in my most honest voice, I tell you I’m grateful for that. To be who I am, where I am, with whom I am, in this very moment for this snippet of time. I have no idea where life will lead me next or what it will bring, but I feel so lucky for who it has made me today. And most days, that’s enough.

When I was meditating on this idea, this beloved picture came to mind. It was taken over four years ago, on a sidewalk outside a nail salon in Albuquerque, NM. As part of a going away celebration for a dear forever friend, a group of us went for pedicures and then off for a wine tasting that included lots of cheers and tears. That friend headed off to Japan for four years and is now in Arizona. The rest have scattered, too. Three have stayed in New Mexico, two live in Germany, and one in Italy. And yet, they are still right here in my heart.