Anam cara...

I penned this piece back in April, following my own birthday. But today is the birthday of that same dear friend, so I figure it’s worth another share. Happiest of birthdays, my Soul Friend.

‘Anam Cara’ is a phrase that refers to the Celtic concept of the ‘soul friend’ in religion and spirituality. Do you have a soul friend? I’m fortunate enough to say that I do. And God sure smiled on me the day that He brought her into my life.

The soul friend I’m talking about is a wonderful woman named Crystal. Or, as we affectionately refer to one another, my SF. We met in 2005 when she attended a wedding with her new boyfriend at the time. That boyfriend (now her husband) is a fraternity brother of Handsome Pants’ and we were all there celebrating another Lambda Chi wedding. I clicked immediately with this girl, but not just for the superficial reasons you’d expect. We danced, we drank, we laughed and we filled her in on all the ‘stories’ from our college years. But I really got to know this girl in the restroom, as I struggled to pull up my Spanx (I’ll always keep it real). As I twisted and contorted, I heard a voice from the next stall say, ‘Do you need some help? Because I do, too.’ And I laughed and breathed a sigh of relief. But not too big because, you know, Spanx. Together we righted our undergarments and a million dollar friendship was forged.

Over the years we saw each other at more fraternity weddings and gatherings. We shared a lot of good times, but the real friendship was stoked by the tough stuff. The wedding we attended in 2007, where I got news that my mother was in the hospital and I was wracked with worry. Crystal was there to comfort me. The devastation of a miscarriage in 2010 and Crystal supported me in a profound way. The turn of events that had me supporting her through the same unimaginable loss in 2012. And then when I had an emotional breakdown in the under-the-stairs closet of her old condo last year. Remember that, SF? I sure do. I was nervously preparing for radiation and sorting through some other heavy stuff and it all just felt like *too much*. She wiped my tears and just listened. Because that’s what a soul friend does. We’ve shared a lot of hard times over the years, and even still, the good times have filled the gaps, eased the pain and our friendship has flourished.

You see, soul friendship isn’t just for the happy times. It’s solidified in the dark times. Bred on the underbelly moments. Times where you have to dig deep to find a courage and resolve that would forsake you if it weren’t for the steely strength of your soul friends. People who remind you how capable you are. People who call you out on your bullshit the way we can for each other. People who hold your hand, or at the very least, your cell phone call in your darkest hours and the stillest of nights. People who let you laugh, let you cry and let you be yourself even when the rest of the world can’t handle it. That’s soul friendship. And to be known and loved by a soul friend is an unparalleled feeling and an immeasurable gift.

My soul friend Crystal understands all of this. She loves me right where I am at any given moment and never pushes me to change. She knows the nooks and crannies of me that aren’t always pleasant or upbeat. She accepts me and my complicated nature. She’s stood by my side through it all and I know she’s in it for the long haul. There’s freedom in a friendship like that. I only give my heart away to a small few and I’ll always use caution in doing so because I’ve felt the weight of having my heart hurt. But Crystal makes me feel safe and happy and loved in a way that only a soul friend can.

And so I’m sharing a prized symbol of that friendship. A bracelet with a charm that says ‘Anam Cara’, gifted to me last week for my birthday. My soul friend had this made for me and I will cherish it always. I’ve been meditating on this idea especially hard this week as I pen a chapter for my book dedicated to this very concept. A novel that may never see the light of day, but I promise that if and when it does, Crystal will be among the first to read it.

Cheers and thanks to you, Crystal, and cheers to our soul friendship!